Live blogging Diana Nyad on DWTS!

(Edit: You should constantly refresh this page.)

OK, it is day one of Dancing with the Stars (DWTS, you luddite) and this is my first (only?) day of live blogging. Why, you might ask?  Well, because this season one of the contestants is very well known in the sport of marathon swimming. (Or do I mean the sport of ocean swimming?)

So, I am two minutes in and still no Diana Nyad. What gives? She’s the most important contestant this season!

8:05: Here they come!

8:06: She just danced out doing the drowning man. Oh God. At least Billy Dee Williams is there. He might be older than DN.

They just mentioned there will be twists this season. I’m sure it has something to do with helping DN win after changing the rules.

8:08: OK someone named NeNe is dancing now. She’s wearing some kind of flapper-type dress. OK, I’m changing the font for the word dancing now, because what she just did wasn’t dancing. Perhaps she’s got a new show coming out?

8:20: Some rocker dude just met the good-looking Aussie-accented great dancing partner that he took on a date and never called back. Jerk! Meanwhile, DN is wondering who they’ll pick from her past to pair her with after she becomes the newest professional dancer on the next season of DWTS.

Meanwhile, yours truly can’t wait to see the Olympic ice dancers.

8:30: Winnie is dancing!

8:34: Why are there Stormtroopers behind the scenes? Is that because DN is on the dark side? They must be with her.

8:38: Some hockey player is on now, and he’s wearing some kind of PFD in his practice for some reason. OK, I know this is only the 4th dancer, but he’s horrible. Put him on skates. He can run, at least. And catch. Karina is thinking, Crap, I won’t be on the program for long this season. Meanwhile the judges must be hockey fans or afraid of him. Or, they watched a different dance than Fembot and I did.

8:44: And still no DN sighting. Rumor has it she’s in the back with her stormtroopers applying her anti-jellyfish cream.

8:46: Stormtroopers made an appearance. And there’s DN standing behind the hockey player as he gets his scores, which are sure to be crap. Len is the only good judge. They didn’t deserve those 7’s.

8:49: OK, now I know why the stormtroopers are there. For 77-year old Lando Calrissian Billy Dee Williams. Fembot just figured it out; his grandkids begged him to be on DWTS. This is almost as painful as watching Kate Gosselin or Tom Delay “dancing.”

8:57: OK, the judges are gifting Lando with 5’s. Really not even worth that, but to judge by the audience, he just might be here next week! The people love him, despite his turning Han Solo in to the Empire.

9:00: Yeah! Meryl! I am so glad I get to see this dance she’s doing before someone (someone!) goes all Tonya Harding on her.

9:04: I’ll take this time to mention that the new sidekick to Tom Bergeron (Erin Andrews) is so much better than Brooke Burke, who had the personality of a salmon.

9:06: OK, dancing while lying on the floor. I’ve seen it all now.

9:13: OK, some sorta teen pop star, Cody somebody. I’m quizzing my girls now to see if they know him; they’re 11 and 14. The 11-year old knew him from a Build-a-Bear commercial. The 14-year old knows his name. And he’s not a bad dancer, as is expected for a pop star.

9:18: Drew Carey coming up. Miss his show. It was good.

9:24: Drew Carey just called himself old. Really? 55 is old now? Just wait buddy…you’ve got a 64 (65 now?) year old woman coming up who’ll show you what you can do when old. (How’s that Chris?)

9:33: OK, the paralympian is up. Double-amputee doing a great job dancing. I think her professional partner is more nervous.

9:36: OK, they just announced our (anti-) hero is coming up next.

9:43: DN is on! Showing scenes from FL in September. Definitely a fish out of the water, as her partner says. She’s complaining about high heels not being right for human anatomy. And I agree with her! And she hasn’t mentioned her age yet, which is nice. It’s like watching a dancer in slo-mo. There we go, she’s speeding up. Not very graceful, but certainly not the worst I’ve seen.

9:45: Ha! Bruno called her the million-dollar mermaid. How’d he know? Oh, we’ve got the Nyadites tweeting in. Apparently DWTS has been on DN’s bucket list. She’s not on the bottom, and she had a great quip after getting her 18: It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. And she just joked about helping Meryl with her turns. And then Bergeron out-joked them with “Diana has a dry wit and the judges are left all wet.”  Brilliant.

9:54: Charlie White, the other of the pair of ice dancers, is on now. Guess what? He can dance! We certainly know he can do the lifts. Highest score of the night. What does Meryl think?

9:58: First big twist coming up, according to Erin. What will it be? Adjusted scoring for those over 60? Nope. Next week the dancers will be doing a dance based on the dance style the contestant is most looking forward to doing. Diana will be doing a cha-cha next week.

10:00: Until next Monday, dear reader(s), I’m out.

11 thoughts on “Live blogging Diana Nyad on DWTS!”

  1. C’mon Mike. You come off as nothing but mean and vindictive by criticizing Diana Nyad’s appearance on DWTS, and going after her for changing the rules or what kind of aid she’s going to receive.

    I’m no apologist for her, but don’t forget that she’s a member of both the ISHOF and IMSHOF for many of her past achievements over a distinguished career.

    Yes, there are still a bunch of unanswered questions about her Florida Straits swim. You’ve been one of the more vocal critics on that topic. Your sarcasm in this instance is unnecessary and reeks of sour grapes.

    1. Chris, check out the lines under the title of this blog entry: Humor!

      She was a great swimmer back in the day, but the info that’s come out on her (esp. the Walter Poenisch) recently makes me not really give a crap about her.

      And sour grapes? No. I have no desire to attempt anything even close to her assisted Cuba-FL swim. Not even close.

      Oh, and this is meant as humor. I apologize if I’m not funny enough.

    2. For crying out frickin loud! “C’mon, lighten up Chris…funny or not, last time I checked this is Mike’s own personal blog…and all that entails!

      btw, “changing the rules” is a specific (funny?) reference to her doing just that on some of her swims.
      And, “past achievements over a distinguished career”, (I assume you’re referring to her swimming career), that’s very debatable and is rife with controversy as well.

      So, your response to this satirical post is rather hollow and unwarranted.

      …not joking

      Dan

  2. Mike, don’t forget there is a big difference between a person not thinking a joke is funny and not realizing it’s a joke. When a person’s joke is not funny no one reacts. Frankly, DN’s appearance on DWTS is a joke, but she’s not the first joke on that show.

    1. That much is certain. Which is why I don’t watch DWTS. I prefer good dancing, thus Fembot and I watch SYTYCD. I’m only watching DWTS this time because DN is a contestant.

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